Prompt: If you could change anything about your pet....

 If you could change anything about your pet, what would it be?

I would make my cat a dog.  A dog that is housebroken, doesn’t shed and is barkless. 

My cat was adorable when we first got him.  He nibbled on my coat zipper as I gazed into his amber eyes and that was it. 

“We’re getting this one,” I told my husband. 

He slept with me every night until I booted him at the ripe old age of 7 in favor of our firstborn child.  I didn’t want cat hair on the sheets because of course, he used to paw at the blankets until I lifted them, half-asleep, for him to crawl under.  I didn’t want to be worried about kitty litter remnants or anything (which strangely, I hadn’t thought of prior to having a child….ew.) 

Then he began eating an enormous amount of food.  Maybe he was depressed because he wasn’t sleeping in our bed anymore or maybe he had post partum after I brought the baby home.  Who knows.  He became a giant cat.  Every single person that came into our home immediately said the exact same thing: Wow!  That is a huge/fat cat!  Due to his inordinate weight gain, he ceased to groom himself properly.  Why our second cat also ceased to groom him will forever remain a mystery….because I don’t speak cat.  But speaking from a common sense viewpoint, I’d say it was because he was gross. 

He was always a talkative cat, but now, he whines.  Incessantly.  At all hours of the day and night.  I started out startled and curious (around 1am) and annoyed (by 2am) followed by terribly cross and cursing (struggling at 4am).  Finally, I found myself wanting to do him harm in a really violent way (around about sunrise).  At first, I wanted to find out what the problem was; generally when he meowed, he wanted or needed something.  Maybe his food bowls were half empty or maybe the dog’s water bowl was empty (yea, he would cry if the DOG’s water bowl was empty, even when the cat’s water bowl in the next room was full!!).  Lately, he seems to be irritated that we turn off the gas fireplace at night!  Apparently, his fat came with a side of diva! 

At this point, my love has turned to….well, not hate exactly but more of a deep abiding disrespect. 

I will never again get a cat.